雅思小作文写了近200字,数据分析头头是道,但分数就卡在6分上不去,为何?因为概述没写或没写好。今天用剑21中的两道真题,跟你详细拆解怎么写出7分概述。
先复习一下小作文的结构:
- 第一部分:改写题目,介绍图表展示的是什么内容,即What is the diagram about?
- 第二部分:概述图表的主要特征,如趋势、极值、数据可分为几类等。
- 第三部分:细节描述,引用具体数据进行对比或分类说明。一般写两段。
在剑桥官方给出的评分标准中,“概述”属于任务完成度(Task Achievement)中的一项标准。5-6-7分,分别对应不同的级别的“概述”。5分作文“忽略” 概述;6分作文“尝试”概述,但写得不够清楚;而7分作文的概述清晰地指出了对数据的分类方法、趋势、突出的异同点,即清楚地总结出了图表数据的重要特征。
| 评分 | 对应的关于“概述”的要求 |
|---|---|
| 5分 | 可能倾向于关注细节而忽略整体。 |
| 6分 | 尝试给出了一个概述。 |
| 7分 | 给出了清晰的概述,数据分类恰当,并指出了主要趋势或差异。 |
表1: 不同得分对应的关于“概述”的要求
怎么写出清晰的“概述”?我们用真题细说。
题一
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
图中呈现的4条线,可分为三类:
- 制造业 (manufacturing):先升后降
- 农业 (agriculture):一直下降
- 零售业和健康业 (retail, healthcare):一直上升
“概述”示范:
Overall, the job opportunities in the four sectors displayed three distinct changing paths in the given period. The manufacturing sector saw a rise in employment over the first two decades,but this was followed by a consistent fall thereafter. While the number of employees in agriculture experienced a gradual decline, healthcare and retail sectors expanded their hiring continuously during those years.
《剑21》中考官给出的概述:
To sum up, it can be seen that the economy in the US changed significantly in 60 years, with jobs in manufacturing starting out as the highest, but being overtaken by the rising numbers in the retail and healthcare sectors by the end, and a downward trend in the numbers of jobs in the agricultural sector.
对比以上两个版本的概述:
- 本文的概述写了3句话,第一句点出数据可分为3类,第二、三句写出了这三种走向。这样的概述结构亦适用于其它线图。
- 考官给出的概述用了 "starting out as..." "being overtaken by..." 这种非谓语和被动态对比结构;把四条线的关系写在一句话里,信息密度高,句子结构复杂。需要下功夫揣摩苦练。
- 两者的共同点:都没有出现具体数字;用overall 或 to sum up开头;四条线都提到了。
题二
The chart and table below show the results of a survey of library users at a university.
组合图中的饼图和表格提供的信息没有什么关联。“概述”部分,各用1-2句话写出各自突出的特点即可。
- 饼图:读者占比最大的是全日制的本科生,最少的是教职员工。
- 表格:对图书馆员工的满意度最高;调查中有3项出现“不满意”。
“概述”示范:
Overall, undergraduate students constituted the largest user group, while academic staff formed the smallest category. Regarding user satisfaction, the library staff achieved the top satisfaction for their “Helpfulness”, but access to books, journals and reliability of wi-fi were rated “Not satisfied”.
《剑21》中考官给出的概述:
Overall, the survey of library users at this university shows that full-time students were by far the largest user group, with Academic staff in a minority. We also see that library users were “very satisfied” the majority of the time, and were especially pleased with the helpfulness of staff but least satisfied with the wi-fi and access to journals.
对比以上两个版本的概述:
- 都用overall 开头,提示考官这是“概述”段。
- 都用了2句话:一句写饼图,一句写表格。
- 思路一致,通过“极值”抓特征。
- 本文的概述用“Regarding user satisfaction” 连接2句话,考官的概述用的是“We also see that”。 都很自然。
关于“概述”的写作技巧:
- 柱状图和线图:点出如何对数据进行分类,概括出趋势。
- 饼图和表格:一般都找极值,因为表格展示的数据不随时间变化,所以没有显著的趋势可言。
- overview 雷点一:出现具体的数据或时间
- ❌ About 30% of the students were pleased with the library.
- ✅ The majority of students expressed satisfaction. (用 the majority/most 等表达替代数字)
- overview 雷点二:把细节塞进了概述中
- ❌ Manufacturing started out with the most jobs but ended up in second-to-last place. (制造业一开始提供的岗位最多,最后却倒数第二。)
- 分析:这过于细节(排名变化),应该放在细节描述段中。
- ✅ The manufacturing sector followed a rise-then-fall pattern.
- 总结:概述只说变化模式或趋势,不说具体排名变化。
